I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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