i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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