im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just had sex bonerless
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
