yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
