I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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