my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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