I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
