a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
