In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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