those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
