so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
