There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Redeem this text for a blowjob
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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