you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
