he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
