Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
even my farts smell like vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
