i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
