also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
