she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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