whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
