you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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