So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
