Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
