there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
