Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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