alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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