And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
