im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this will be a night to untag.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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