Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
