I got chris browned last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
