I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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