I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
