and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
