we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
