...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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