i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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