woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
