so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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