It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
