What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
