dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
