wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
