I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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