i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
