I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
