Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
