Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
