I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
