chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
