were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
