if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
