I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize