Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
