I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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