You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You took a bar mat shot.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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