Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
