Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
