She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
wow bdsm is so cute
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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