mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
