Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
