I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What drink are we having for lunch?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize