He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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