Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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