Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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