Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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