If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
