To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
