am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I currently don't understand fingers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
