Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
