Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize