I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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