Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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