oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
