FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
