mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bang-toberfest begins!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
