getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize