Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
