We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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