We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
