it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
