just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
