I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
