3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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