Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
