i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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