Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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