I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bring me that man meat
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
