I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
