I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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