I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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