And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
