Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
