How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
