its not stalking. its research.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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