he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
