Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
