Redeem this text for a blowjob
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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