mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
