im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
