Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
