In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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