I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
