felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His nipple licking is glorious
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