Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
